The horse's pasture to the East...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Sometimes things just happen. 

On January 3rd I broke my arm. Maybe I should be more specific. I smashed it, breaking both bones, tearing ligaments, damaging nerves... the full Monty. 

Wish I could say it's over now. I will heal but it's going to take a bit more time than I thought. I have several more weeks of physical therapy to get through and then there's the gigantic dent in my confidence to deal with. But at least I can sit here and type. There's a plus!

I've been "writing the story" in my head for weeks, wanting to get it all down. But the truth is I'm kind of tired of it now. It just is. 

It was my fault. I didn't focus, didn't think about what happens before what happens happens. I was too  lost in my game,stuck on a silly goal and not thinking about the 'here and now'. I didn't think like a horse. They have one goal, to survive. They were fulfilling their goal, from their point of view. If I'd been more in the moment and paying attention to
 what was going on right then, instead of thinking about what I wanted to do, none of this would have occurred. Lesson learned the hard way!

So, the only thing to do now is to go straight forward from here. I'll have to do some restart but that will probably be good for me anyway. I need to practice being 'here and now' LOTS more. I thought I was doing that but my gnarly arm tells me different.

Truth be told, I seriously thought about quitting, throwing the towel in, walking away, giving up. I knew I wasn't going to do that the day after my surgery. I'd been told not to go down to the barn. Resting and healing was going to be my new job for the next few months. But John came in and told me that Lucky and Apache were lethargic, hanging up around the gate (where the accident happened) and off their feed. So I broke my first set of rules, didn't follow instructions and walked down to see them.

I admit I was pretty whacked out from the pain meds. I really wasn't thinking clearly. But I couldn't let them stand out there, depressed, either. John said they'd been like that since the accident but he was afraid to tell me (because he knew I'd go out there, of course). And that's when I made the decision I wasn't going to quit. I would just have to look at it as a painful lesson. 

I'm going to keep a list of all the little steps forward that I make. I'll need them to convince myself it's all OK. I can still reach for goals. I just need to be a bit more Zen about it and less monkey brained obsessed! 

Things I've done today :
1. Typed this entry, sometimes using both hands.
2. Pulled on my cowboy boots and took them off by myself.
3. Put my hair up by myself (can't say it looks great, but still I did it!)
4. Made it through the day without needing to sleep
5. Folded all the laundry using both hands
6. And, the really BIG accomplishment, I went in to the paddock by myself and hung out with Lucky and Apache without being nervous.

Now all I have to do is put on my 'Little Engine That Could' cap and get my mojo back.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

"Chug, chug, chug.", she said as she went up the hill. 

I am, ever yours, Nancy, slightly dented but back in the game, smiling!


Susan said...

I am so happy that your are getting back in the swing. And writing again. I was so depressed after my ankle I sold 2 horses because I knew I would never do it if I waited till the dust cleared. I am glad the 2 are gone and only Mary remains. We also have much to work on. Luck to you, Susan

Janine said...

I wondered where you went. Well we are all no Pat and Linda Parelli's and even they get hurt. I am glad you got to visit your 4 legged friends and I hope you have a SUPER recovery. XOXOO

Nancy, smiling! said...

I'd heard that you sold two of your horses Susan. That couldn't have been an easy decision for you to make. But you still have your Mary! That's wonderful.

Hey Janine! I know I just slipped out of sight. December ended up being an intense month ... and then came January. I'm sitting here laughing at what I THOUGHT was intense. Apache's 'response' to hurting me was "I didn't know you were that small!"

I'm too in love with them and what they give back to stop. I'm reassessing and finding a way to do a better job.

Glad you both stopped by and left a note for me to find!