The horse's pasture to the East...

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Questions, Questions, oh the unanswered QUESTIONS

I lead a fairly quiet life. I’m off the beaten track, location wise, and off the norm as far as career choices go. I stand in the middle on most issues politically and religiously. I belong to no particular group, although I did for many years while I used the Parelli Program to better understand my horses. I’ve always been more family oriented rather than career focused, a choice that most of my friends questioned for years. I’m not particularly competitive, feel no need to win the gold metal or to impress my views on anyone else. But these are extraordinary times calling for more attention to detail. And like any exceptional period in history you either step up or step aside.

I’m afraid and I chose, years ago, not to live my life in fear. Fear leads me to ask questions. That’s how it’s been since a rocky beginning as a child. When I ask what’s going on, of myself, it keeps me going forward. I use the classic ; What? When? Where? How? Why? . I do my research and then try to verify it or disprove it. Again, I don’t have to prove I’m right. I just want to know what’s going on so I can set up a plan to work on. As creative as I am, I do not deal well with chaos. My space gets messy while I work on a project But things always get put away afterwards. It’s way to easy for me to misplace things. 

And my questions are not being answered adequately. I’ve found experts on both sides of the equations who say the opposite with excellent arguments for their points of view. What is COVID 19? Or Coronavirus? Or SARS-CoV-2? I’ve seen images of the type of virus it is, read more articles than I can count now of what it POSSIBLY does to us. There is no doubt it is real . There is no question that it can be deadly for a small segment of the population (and I am considered to be in that category, according to my age. I am basically very healthy, taking no prescription meds and with no complaints about how my body works. ). 

I’m not surprised there is still no clear explanation for what COVID 19 is. HIV/AIDS came on the scene in 1981. There are more than 1.1 million people living with HIV and more than 700,000 died since the beginning of an epidemic that was hard to identify much less form a plan to stop it. We had less technology to help us then and communication between experts moved more slowly without an internet to keep people talking. And while it was going on OUR ECONOMY DID NOT STOP, much less an entire world economy. 

In 1894 our country had the first outbreak of polio in Vermont, with 132 cases. I grew up with my Mom, an analytical chemist and teacher by profession, worried because there were children in our neighborhood and school who had contracted polio. The virus easily spreads from feces, touch, through food and direct contact. And it was deadly. I have friends who are still impacted by the polio they had as children. And I have friends who never made it out of childhood. AND THE ECONOMY DID NOT STOP. 

Both of my parents worked, everyone’s parents worked in some capacity. Babies were born, raised, went to school, traveled and had families of their own while our generation went through polio, measles, chicken pox, small pox, HIV/AIDS, bird flu, pig flu and, just in this century, HPA1, H5N1, SARS, HPAI, B viruses, A viruses, H1N1, and the infamous 1918 flu that killed more than 33 million young people in the prime of their lives. AND THE ECONOMY DID NOT STOP. People kept on going to work, raising their children, going to church or synagogue, shopping and interacting with neighbors, family and friends. And every single one of those viruses worked their way through our world and we adapted.

My parents lived through world wars, depressions, more wars, disease, crop failures, personal loss, and so did we AND THE ECONOMY DID NOT STOP, much less the world wide economy. All of us did our chores, did our work, paid our bills, went to school and dealt with what came along without complaining. AND NOT ONCE WERE ANY OF US TOLD TO STAY AT HOME, nor were we vilified for continuing to work. None of us were designated ‘essential’ or ‘non-essential’ unless people had the misfortune to be in Communist Russia, Fascist Germany, Fascist Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge or any of the other communist/socialist countries that classified citizens as essential or non-essential. AND NO ONE IS ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE LOSS OF OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS. The vast majority of people that I know either on line or in person are quietly submissive without asking WHY. 

I’ve had death threats for questioning the world wide status quo. I’m a small time artist, designer, teacher, horseman, farmer and people are so upset with the questions I ask, they are threatening me. How interesting. 

I’ve been accused of being a ‘conspiracy nut’, a ‘trouble maker’ and then there was the lovely ‘waste of air’ letter. That was fun. While all of these former friends are leveling accusations I am fermenting vegetables, planting seeds, doing chores, taking care of my little crooked farm house and my aging  herd, painting, writing, reading and seeking answers. I haven’t changed. I’m guessing that the people I thought I knew haven’t either. How interesting. 

I am also guessing that it’s fear prompting some of these surprising reactions. Panic does things to us, makes it hard to think, difficult to react without striking out. I sometimes panic too, although usually in privacy. John tells me that I come out of the corner with my fists up. He’s right. When I feel cornered I look for a way out first, then the fists come up and I set my feet. I know what it’s like to have my buttons punched too. BUT I DO NOT STOP WORKING. 

I still haven’t found adequate answers to my questions. I’m not surprised there isn’t accurate data or information on this new form of virus. Thorough research takes time, control and thoughtful communication between dedicated researchers. My main concern still remains. WHY HAVE WE ALL, on both sides of the ocean, on all continents except Antarctica, ACCEDED TO SELF IMPOSED HOUSE ARREST. Because some so called experts told us we were all going to die? News flash. We are all, every single one of us, mortal beings with a beginning and end. Not one of us will get out of this alive because NOT ONE OF US WAS EVER GOING TO LIVE FOREVER. No animals, plants, one celled organisms, people or even stars, suns or universes are infinite. It’s our limited time on this Earth that makes us unique, emotional creatures. It’s our limited lives that push us to excel, to create, to take chances, to seek out more information or to be heroes. 

SO WHY HAVE ANY OF US ALLOWED OUR FULL STOP TO HAPPEN? My inquiring mind wants to know. I am weirdly fascinated, appalled, angry, frightened by all of this. And I have no plans for stoping the process of asking questions. And no one is going to classify me to be essential or non-essential. 

I am, ever yours, Nancy, smiling and shaking my head in wonderment. 

PS. And I’ve had a cough, lost my sense of smell for a few days, got tired AND I NEVER STOPPED WORKING. Guess we’ll never know if I’ve had COVID 19 because I have no intention of being tested nor will I carry papers stating I am exposed and immune. When the rules make no sense, I refuse to follow them. My inner voice tells me we’ve all been manipulated and had. It’s never been wrong, at least not yet.