Ever have a dream that leaves an impression on your whole day? I did, last night. I've done all of my chores, played with Lucky on line, canceled an appointment, but all of it has been in a kind of disconnect. My head was still back in the "dream time", trying to understand what it meant to me. It's more than half way through the day as I write this and I can still remember every detail.
It starts on a walk through a forest. It's a very pretty morning. The sky is so clear I can see every tiny bit of dust and pollen. The colors are intense, like the world was when I was young and there were no filters. There was no reason not to see every detail. I can remember running my hands through the tops of the grasses and flowers, feeling them brush the underside, across my palm.
When I looked up, I realized this was an old growth forest. The trees had never been cut. The trunks were so big around that, when I tried to walk around one, I couldn't find the other side. The tops of the trees were so high up they were lost in the mist of a cloud. Either the trees were huge or I was very small. They were all kinds too ... oak, maple, hedge, ash, northern pine (which was so blue it wasn't green), walnut. They were all mixed together and seemed to be in complete harmony with each other. There was plenty of sunshine and space for all of them. And, because they were so big, it was more like meadows with dappled light than a forest floor.
I could smell the loamy odors of leaves and needles, old grasses and flowers mixed together. It was like walking through a spice garden. I remember thinking to myself that my nose was very happy! And I could hear insects, birds and the wind in the leaves and grasses talking together. I tried to stop and hear the conversations, but it was just past my ability to understand. It was like standing in a park in Paris, listening to hundreds of people talking in any language except English. I could hear the words but couldn't understand them.
I was fascinated. It was like coming home, but to no home I'd ever been to before. My feet seemed to know where I needed to go, so I kept walking with no destination in mind.
I came to a stream with clear water and pebbles along the edges. There were big rocks too, but flat on top. Sometimes I jumped from one to the next even when they were so far apart I shouldn't have been able to. Sometimes I walked with my toes in the stream. The water was very cold, so cold it was almost warm. I remember standing there watching the water run over my toes, enjoying the way the light turned my feet a kind of dappled green and blue color. I liked the contrast of the pink color of my legs above the water. I could see all of the fine blond hairs on my legs too, like I could when I was little.
I walked down stream, going with the flow of the water, until I came to a cave set into the rocks. The rocks were covered in mosses and lichens with tiny flowers blooming in them. They felt like velvet when I touched them, and some of them closed when I brushed them with my fingers. When I pulled my hand away and waited, they opened up again.
There were tiny flying insects going from flower to flower. They looked like super miniature butterflies...thousands and thousands of them. When I reached out to the flowers in the lichens again, they rose up in a cloud and landed on my arms, on all the tiny blond hairs, and fanned their wings. It tickled and made me laugh. When I ran my hand down my arm gently, so I wouldn't squash them, they flew again and went back to the lichen flowers. It made my arms tingle where they had landed, but a nice feeling...like being more alive.
I turned and looked into the cave. It was dark, so I thought " I need some light." and there it was! I wasn't holding a flashlight or torch. It was just lighter, so I could see into the back of the cave. The cave was very deep and the ceiling got higher as I walked into it. The sand sifted through my toes when I walked, so it was dry in the cave.
In the back of the cave were books leaning against the walls, lying on the floors in stacks, some of the stacks tumbled over. I was amazed, not because there were books in the cave but because it was right where they needed to be. I stood there and looked at them, trying to decide what to do. Which one should I pick up and open?
There was one book that, when I looked at it, seemed to be THE BOOK. It felt like that, important and in capital letters. It wasn't any more or less beautiful than any of the others. But it was more like I'd been given permission to look in that one first. The light around it was just the tiniest bit brighter than the other books. It was, simply, more there...more solid.
I walked over to the book to lean down and look at it before I picked it up. It was so big! It looked like it might be too heavy for me to pick up, but I decided to try it anyway. When I lifted it up, it settled into my hands, almost like it was a part of me. It wasn't too heavy or too light. I felt like Goldie Locks. It was just right.
The binding was made of something that was alive, warm to the touch with beautiful images and tooling on it. It didn't move, but it felt like the lichen flowers outside did ... THERE, in capital letters again. It was an important book. I needed to be very careful with it. It was due my respect, but not to be worshiped.
When I opened the book, there were beautiful Byzantine style paintings of animals inside, each page was a different animal. They were all wearing or carrying a symbol in some kind of language or alphabet that I couldn't read. Some of the pages had writing on them too, with the upper left corner of the page decorated in gold leaf and jewel like colors in patterns that made perfect sense to me in the dream. I couldn't tell you what they mean now. The alphabet looked very much like Hebrew.
I heard a sound behind me, in the mouth of the cave. When I turned to look, there was a beautiful deep red bay horse standing there. It had a perfect body that shown in the sunlight, almost sparkling. It's legs and mane and tail were jet black, almost blue. It had very intelligent, kind eyes that looked straight at me with no fear. I was surprised, but I also remembered to turn a bit to the side so as not to put any pressure on it. I smiled too. How could I not? This horse was perfect in every respect. I loved it. It loved me. That was also clear to me.
It stepped into the cave, coming to me to exchange breath. It's breath was like the grasses and flowers I'd walked through under the giant trees. It smelled like sunshine to me. And then it spoke to me, in my head. I heard this bell like voice, deep in tone. It said " I am the author. " and then it said it again with more emphasis, like it was important that I understand. " I am the author. "
Talking in words to the HORSE didn't seem like the right way to communicate, so I thought " Of all of these books? This is a whole library! " And it said it one more time, this time with laughter. " I am the author. "
I wondered if I should put the book down. I was worried that I would ruin it somehow. It's just that it seemed to want to be in my hands. And when I looked down, the pages began to turn themselves so I could see all of the animals. Every one of them was perfect. And they all had something that was important they were either holding or wearing.
When I turned to look at the HORSE, I saw past it to the mouth of the cave. There was a huge, white, shaggy goat standing there. It seemed out of place, like something was wrong with it. It began to turn around and around in these insanely fast circles going faster and faster. It was so out of sync with everything else in my dream.
And then it leaped at the HORSE. I let go of the book (which didn't fall but was simply back on the ground where it had been before) and tried to jump in front of the HORSE to protect it from the goat. I was afraid it would get hurt! Instead, faster than I could move, the HORSE stepped in front of the goat between it and me. I yelled out loud, "NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"
And then John woke me up. He told me I was thrashing around in the bed and yelling "NO!" over and over. I was covered in sweat too. I sat there and shook with my head back in the dream, worried about the HORSE.
That's it. That was my dream. It was about 2:30 or so when John woke me up. I couldn't go back to sleep after that although I tried to. I wanted to go back, to check on the HORSE. It was that real to me. Everything was so vivid!
I'm wondering if this was one of those Shamanic types of dreams? I rarely remember dreams that completely, especially this long after I dreamed it.
I'll have to let this one sink in for a bit before I understand what happened.
I am, ever yours, Nancy ... lost in the dream