Truth. Art. Revolution. Gardens. Love. Anger. Laughter. Pain. Life. Family. Hope. Trust. Try. Dance. Sing. Paint. Dogs. Kittens. Age. Fear. Time. Read. Study. Search. Weed. Focus. Horses. Prioritize. Lonely. Cry. Overwhelmed. Truth. Chocolate. Politics. Donkeys. Religion. Deceit. Tree. Earth. Skin. Finite. Time. Love. Hope. Try.
Some words bare repeating.
I am exhausted. It isn't pain or fear or aging or even the process of feeling the world move on without me that makes me tired. It's deceit, lies, innuendo, greed and the never ending search for power at the expense of others that wears me out.
We have this opportunity that no other generation before us has had. We can all keep a journal here, on the internet, of our own history. Even people who have no computer or smart phone, pad or even personal connection to Wifi can start a Blog. We can go to the library and use a computer there or, for the price of a cup of coffee and a dollar, buy time at an internet cafe.
If one of us is illiterate, there are Vlog's and Soundclouds, live streaming to Facebook, Youtube, and so on and so on and scooby dooby do on. And it was available to us a good twenty years ago too. We can use chat rooms, upload photos to the ICloud and Dropbox.
So WHY aren't we learning from our past? WHY do we repeat the same patterns over and over again?
John told me that I should start a website titled : "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO ME and you'de be smart to listen!" I am opinionated. We all are but some of us are more out spoken about it than others. My pattern is that I have a tendency to observe from the middle for a long time before I say anything. I watch, listen, think, collate ideas, change my mind, and think some more. I do some research, make some truly silly mistakes, do my best to make changes and make more mistakes. But in the process of riding that line, I learn. And I do change.
I'd like to think I go forward.
If it's on the Internet, it must be so ... right? Nope. Anyone can write anything and, if they have just a wee bit tech savvy, make it look official. The world has become a chess board and most of us are pawns. So why do we play the same old games? Is it change we're afraid of?
Here's the deal. All of us have to pay the piper sooner or later. There's a ticket that comes due. It's the price of admission. If you're alive, you are finite. You will die. So why do any of us keep repeating the same patterns over and over? Why WAR? Why lies? Why spend time, precious finite time, on the fruitless pursuit of power and wealth? You can't take it with you. It's true! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU.
Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have pretty things. But things can't talk to you, or hug you. Things won't rub your feet when you have an ache and they won't hold you when you're afraid. And things could care less whether you're there looking at them or using them or displaying them or hoarding them.
I just don't get it. Why blow up cities? Why is one religion better than another and WHY do we think we need to kill to prove it? Why are there bombs? Why lie to cover up the mistakes we make? All you have to do is change. And be honest. Honest would be nice. So would polite. Polite would be very nice. And diplomacy, an open mind, kindness and caring enough to do what you can to help.
I drove in to town to run some errands, stopped at a store. While I was there I saw a young, exhausted parent start to loose it with her two kids. She slapped the toddler out of frustration. I didn't think about it. I stepped in and offered to help. She wanted to slap me too. I was interfering.
It wasn't overt abuse. It was a pattern she had learned from an exhausted parent some time in her past. Ever 'hear' your Mom (or Dad's) voice come out of your mouth and say the same thing to your child you remember her saying to you? Patterns. We carry our patterns with us ; chaos, patience, anger, compassion, love, fear, pain, hope, confidence, and here we go again. It's another list. So WHY can't we learn from our past?
I'm going to make a wild guess here. Patterns are a kind of framework. They give us structure in an unpredictable world. Even when those patterns are negative, we seek them out, fall back in to them because better the devil you know than the devil you don't. I know. Basic Psychology 101. But when do we learn from the self destructive patterns and make a change? Heck, when do we begin to recognize the positive patterns and use them to reshape our expectations?
This post has taken on a pattern too, hasn't it? I'm going in a circle, coming back to the same questions. And if I say I wish the negatives would stop, someone else will say you need the dark to define the light. It's a Zen thing.
I think maybe I'll just go beat my head on a fence post for a while because I just don't get it. Or maybe I'll go plant some more flowers, some more seeds. If they don't come up this year, they'll germinate next year and bring some unexpected beauty.
And laugh... Laughter is good when it isn't at someone else's expense. Yup. Laugh...make a change.