TRYING...

Dear Miss A...

I'm sitting here tonight in my cozy little study, shades open so I can watch the snow, and thinking about the things I can't change. That's a big category, isn't it? In fact, it's huge. It's most of what goes on in the world...what I CAN'T change. All I can really work on is me.

I walked out my door this morning and stopped, like I do every day. I like to look at this beautiful place I live in. I'm trying to memorize every morning. I probably can't do that, but I sure do want to try. Like everyone past 50, heck...everyone past 30, I have no doubt of my finite existence. I know that someday the jig is up. So now I want to make sure I really use all of my time as well as I can. Part of that is remembering what I have and saying " Thank you!"

I say it just like that too. And I say it out loud. " Thank you!" I don't know who I'm saying it to. God? Maybe. Myself? Absolutely. John, for finding this place? Another absolutely. The folks who own it and haven't raised my rent for 8 years? Another definite yes. And to others too, but I don't know who they are. So I just say it. " Thank you!" Just like that. And I hope that they hear me, because I mean it when I say it. "Thank you!"

But that isn't what I was going to write about. I forgot to keep it simple. My apologies to my audience. I meant to write here about TRYING. It has to be in caps so you pay attention. I have to keep trying...trying to make a difference. So I write my little email letters to my congressmen, sign my petitions, make my calls to 800 numbers and leave my recorded messages. I write to newspapers, to friends, to family. I'm one voice, so it doesn't make much of a sound. But at least I keep TRYING.

And up close and personal? I'm trying...TRYING...to remember to be kind, to put myself into your shoes, to love well and truly, to give what I have to give. I'm TRYING to pay it forward. I still can't control things, hard for a control a holic like me. I'm giving that up, the need to control. Instead, I'm rolling with whatever comes down the pike and boy, oh boy, hasn't the trip become even more interesting because of it. I'm becoming an extreme middle of the roader, to quote my teacher. I like it too. It's very freeing.

The only person I can change is me. And I do that by TRYING as hard as I can. That means stepping, on a regular basis, outside my comfort zone. That's the only way to learn, the only way to really move forward.

I get bumped a lot.

So, I get up and try...one more time.

Say " Hi!' to the G-man and Little I.

My love to you, Nancy, smiling at the way things go

PS. So that the rest of you know...I'm going to address my BLOG to each of my muses, one at a time. I do better when I tell my story to someone, instead of the general ALL, out there in the world. I won't use names. They'll know who they are because I'll send them an email, telling them I wrote to them today.